DAYEdalera
Monday, March 10, 2008
Letting Go & Holding On
Probably, one thing I could be proud of myself is I know when to stop, to quit or to let go of things I am most attached to. I have done these several times and I succeeded. Yes, letting go of a dream, a love, a friendship, of a thing, which I consider my “everything”. The process was hard at first, I’ve gone through sleepless nights and a weeping heart, a state which I was able to conceal to everybody except to “Vienczent” (my diary) and my pillows. The self-test was “Can I still go through another day in anguish, in exchange of a sight of hope?” or “Will a second of happiness erase the day long woes I am having?” If on my self-assessment I answered “YES”, it is not yet the time to let go. On the other hand, “NO” and a “DOUBT” would mean giving up (letting go for optimistic persons). My tendency in the past is on the latter. I abhor pain. I am not a martyr. I am a pragmatist.
However, I am human, though I have proven that my tolerance for pain was more than ordinary, I am still susceptible to agony and now is the time that I am holding on to it, even I am in deep hurting. This thing is not only “my everything”, it is “my life”. It is the biggest part of me that I cannot let go of, otherwise, I will be losing myself. I maybe wrong in holding on to this, but I cannot risk “What if I am right?” I will be holding on until this pain suffers its natural death or until I get deadened and numb of hurting. Nevertheless, I am keeping “my life” for without it I am alive yet lifeless.
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Pondering thoughts other than the bar exam, of things I have already sacrificed for the bar exam, of things that really matters more than the bar exam.
After all, Mommy Gette was right : “It is more important to be human and happy, rather than perfect but sad…There’s life after the bar exam. What is important is you will still be the smart, thoughtful, warm, sweet, pretty DAYE we all love to death.” (September 22, 2007 / 11:03 A.M.)
I am holding on to be that person they used to know me. -DQ Daye
Labels: DQ posts, happiness, holding on, letting go, life, sadness
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2 Comments:
"why this literature made me sad"
xeth_poet_society: letting go is bad
xeth_poet_society: heheheh
xeth_poet_society: but ur a grown up na
xeth_poet_society: u know things better than any of us
xeth_poet_society: love and life
xeth_poet_society: i wish i cud say more
xeth_poet_society: but really its u who decide
xeth_poet_society: liberal values
xeth_poet_society: Individualism
xeth_poet_society: hahahah
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